


Kiss Number Unidentified

by aurics



Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Lu Han cries a lot, M/M, Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-06-23
Updated: 2014-06-23
Packaged: 2018-02-05 22:27:16
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,975
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1834417
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/aurics/pseuds/aurics
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>If Sehun had to pick his favourite part of Lu Han's face it would be his eyes. They turn a lighter shade of brown when he turns to blink in the sunlight – blink in the sunlight – blink in the sunlight – blink in the sunlight – blink in the sunlight –</p>
            </blockquote>





	Kiss Number Unidentified

Lu Han comes home to the flickering of lights and the incessant noise of a door clicking to a close and being thrown open again.

 

“Twenty-seven, twenty-eight…”

 

He’s used to this, Lu Han reassures himself as he puts his briefcase down by the hallway and loosens his tie. He pads along the cold tile floors, his socked feet making no noise.

 

He’s used to this, but it doesn’t make it any less painful when he sees it.

 

“Stop.” Lu Han strides into their bedroom as soon as the door flies open, only to have it shut behind him almost immediately. “Sehun, stop. Let’s just eat and go to bed.”

 

“You’re here.” Relief is evident in Sehun’s voice, twisting dull blades in Lu Han’s heart. “I was afraid you wouldn’t come home tonight. You were eighty-seven seconds late.”

 

“I’m sorry.” Lu Han drags Sehun away from the door, sitting him down on the bed. He leans down to place a kiss on Sehun’s lips. “You shouldn’t worry yourself like that. I’m not going anywhere.”

 

Straightening up, Lu Han motions for Sehun to follow him to the kitchen when Sehun grabs him by the collar to pull him in again. He licks his lips, and automatically pulls out a pack of wet wipes to clean them with. Lu Han watches all this patiently, every action excruciatingly unfolding before him. After Sehun is done he gives Lu Han a smile. “I want to kiss you again.”

 

Lu Han lets him. But then two kisses become four, and four become thirteen, and thirteen become twenty-three until Lu Han has to pry his eyes open to break apart. “Come on. We still have to eat dinner.”

 

“One more.” Sehun’s breath comes in quick and shallow. “Make it even. Twenty-four.”

 

They kiss again, Lu Han carding through Sehun’s hair gently. “Alright. Let’s go now.”

 

“Wait, no,” Sehun clutches his shirt, “We need to redo two of them.”

 

“Why?”

 

“Our mouths weren’t properly aligned.”

 

And they do, Lu Han tasting the bitter taste of wet wipes on Sehun’s lips and trying hard not to cry on Sehun’s cheek, because Sehun would have to spend thirty minutes cleaning his skin again otherwise.

 

-

 

 

Often Lu Han’s thoughts keep him up at night, when Sehun’s breathing has finally evened out and the room is silent save for the sound of their own breathing (Sehun never, ever snores). In times of solitude like this, Lu Han lets the patterns on their bed sheets burn themselves into his mind as his thoughts run a marathon around his head.

 

Sometimes he thinks about what he should cook for Sehun tomorrow. Sometimes he thinks about how long it’s been since they’ve gone out on a proper, relaxed date. Occasionally he would even ponder over the possibility of taking Sehun on a trip abroad – maybe to his parents back in China. They’ve only ever visited once, and during the five days’ stay Sehun had been so well behaved that Lu Han’s parents had patted him on the back and told them to return as soon as possible. That was two years ago.

 

But mostly, he thinks about their relationship and their love for each other. Everyday, he has to put up with Sehun’s struggle to stop his habits. Lu Han sees it in his face – the inner conflict, the over-calculating mind at work – in every upturned smile and pinched eyebrows. Sehun is hurting to fit Lu Han into his life, and vice versa.

 

But at the end of the day, they kiss (always more than once) and fall asleep to each other’s comforting warmth. And it has Lu Han wondering if the small windows of happiness are worth the walls upon walls of pain they’ve built around each other.

 

-

 

Lu Han is lying in bed when he hears Sehun bumping into something in the living room.

 

“Fuck!”

 

 _He probably stubbed his toe_ , Lu Han thinks. He throws the covers over, slips his feet into the fluffy slippers Sehun keeps neatly tucked under the bed and prods slowly to the door.

 

“Fuck. Fuck. Fuck fuck fuck.”

 

“Sehun?”

 

He sees Sehun’s hunched figure, cradling his left little toe. “Fuck.”

 

“Oh Sehun.” Lu Han’s tone is stern, but he reaches out to wrap his arm around Sehun’s shoulder. “Try to stop swearing once you’ve started. Please.”

 

“Fuck.” Comes the dismal reply. Lu Han hears the word slipping past Sehun’s mouth a few more times, in different tones with different meanings each time.

 

“Sehun.” Throwing all his resolves away, Lu Han cups Sehun’s face with both of his palms, not caring that Sehun would probably spend another hour taking a shower, and another forty-five minutes cleaning after himself in the bathroom.

 

“Fuck.”

 

“I love you.”

 

Lu Han waits. He sees the conflict in Sehun’s eyes and sees the gears in Sehun’s head whirring, calculating, and all Lu Han wants to do is stop those gears and hold Sehun close, kiss him goodnight without any numbers. Without Sehun twisting out of his hold when they’re kissing for too long or when Lu Han tries to reach up underneath his shirt.

 

“Fuck.”

 

It tastes a little like poison when Lu Han forces out a smile. Sehun doesn’t hide his shocked expression when Lu Han feels something trickling down his cheek, and he wipes it quickly while maintaining that stretched smile.

 

“I’m fine.” He blurts out before Sehun can say anything. “Just. Something in my eye. Probably from the pillow.” And, at Sehun’s panicked expression, hurriedly adds, “Or outside. Yeah, probably. The house is really clean, don’t worry.”

 

Sehun looks like he’s about to say something, but he’s having difficulty forming the words until all that comes out is a small _fuck_.

 

“I understand. Let’s just go to bed.”

 

Lu Han has his fingers around Sehun’s wrist when Sehun stops him. Long fingers find their way to Lu Han’s hair, patting down the frayed strands and parting it neatly to the side, then smoothing out the creases in Lu Han’s pajamas, adjusting the slightly tilted collar. Like this, sometimes Lu Han feels like he’s part of a mess that bothers Sehun – an abnormality in his life. But Sehun never complains, as if he’s hiding that irritation inside for the sake of their love. For Lu Han. And it brings fresh tears to Lu Han’s eyes.

 

“Fuck.”

 

“Sorry, sorry. Come on, I’m still sleepy.”

 

It’s only when Lu Han’s got his toes dipped into the pool of sleep does Sehun stop swearing, finally breathing out with a soft sigh an _I love you_ backthat’s way overdue, but isn’t expired. Lu Han tightens his hold on Sehun’s waist before burying his face deeper in his chest, trying to fill the cracks in his heart that’s threatening to split it in half.

 

 

-

 

 

The first time they met, it was Sehun who had come up to Lu Han first. They were both at a dance class in university – Lu Han a student and Sehun tagging along his best friend Jongin because he was bored. Lu Han had felt the lazy eyes follow his every move throughout the whole lesson, but instead of getting uncomfortable he had found it slightly uplifting. In fact, it kind of made Lu Han feel like his every stumble is an achievement whenever it brought a smile to the blonde-haired boy’s face, who sat primly with his hands folded on his lap in the corner of the room.

 

During one of their breaks, Sehun had approached Lu Han with a variation of different greetings, all equally baffling. The boy had looked so agitated, as if he was afraid Lu Han would take off any second – which was ridiculous. How could Lu Han take his eyes off those thin lips, those beautiful collarbones jutting out of the edge of his shirt, or that face full of determination? How could he stop listening to someone who was putting his everything, heart and soul, into every word he’s uttering?

 

So when Sehun had abruptly asked him out, Lu Han had replied just as quick, sans any hesitation.

 

Later that day, Sehun had said when he laid eyes on Lu Han everything in his head went quiet. Lu Han must be someone special, he had whispered shyly.

 

“Because when you have OCD, you never really have a quiet moment.”

 

Lu Han found that he didn’t mind Sehun giving him seventeen goodnight kisses right on their first date. Maybe because Lu Han wanted to find out, for the first time, what the ‘perfect kiss’ felt like.

 

It felt just like what it promised. Perfect.

 

-

 

 

Sehun apologises in the morning, exactly twelve times.

 

“I’m sorry.”

 

“This better be the last one.” Lu Han teases, a smile playing on his lips. He replies, just like he always does. “It’s fine, Sehun.”

 

“It’s just. The new stuff the doctor’s given me.” Sehun grabs a fistful of his own hair, and then slowly pats it back down. “Makes me feel like shit all the time.”

 

“Most probably side-effects, babe. It’s probably working.” He doesn’t take his eyes off the frying pan, carefully prodding the fried egg here and there to keep the shape perfectly circular.

 

“I’d rather not take them at all.”

 

Flipping the egg gently, Lu Han turns around and eyes Sehun’s slouched figure. His clothes are impeccable and his hair even more so, but telltales of lethargy and pain are residing in his face in the eye bags that seem to drag on forever and the frown that won’t leave his eyebrows.

 

“Do this for me too.” Lu Han says cautiously. “It’s hard, but it’ll be good – mostly for you, but for me as well. It’ll make things easier.”

 

And it’s back, that hint of betrayal in Sehun’s eyes seemingly challenging Lu Han’s words as soon as they leave his mouth. That look always comes whenever Lu Han addresses this topic, which gets worse by each turn of the year.

 

“What? Do you not love me because of that? Do you hate me?”

 

“Sehun, stop. I never said anything like that.” Lu Han plates the eggs right in the middle of the plate, cubes of carrots neatly arranged on the right and two strips of bacon on the left. He cuts off a little bit of it, making the length perfectly even.

 

“You sounded like you were suggesting it.”

 

“Why can’t I talk about how I feel?” As he brings the plates up, Lu Han’s face is calm but the tremor in his voice can be detected miles away. “It can’t always be about you, Sehun.”

 

The frowns on Sehun’s face deepen as Lu Han sets the plate down, and he swallows because _heck,_ that was _not_ where he wanted the conversation to go.

 

“Bon Appetit.”

 

“I don’t feel like dinner.” Sehun pushes his plate away. “The eggs look weird.”

 

It takes all of Lu Han’s self control not to send his own dinner crashing to the ground.

 

 

-

 

 

Sehun tries to make up for his rude attitude by helping with dinner the next day. Lu Han is relieved that Sehun isn’t holding any grudges against him or anything – it’s a little silly, but Lu Han always feels like Sehun is ready to run away from him any chance he gets (and Lu Han knows Sehun thinks the same about him. He tries to dispel the insecurities as often as he can, although his persuasion skills are still questionable).

 

“We can make stew.” Lu Han suggests. “Really easy, and we’ve got the ingredients already.”

 

“Alright.” Sehun says absently, eyes still intent on the gleaming surface of the knife he’s haphazardly wiping with a tissue.

 

“If you try to clean that any more, you might start sharpening the knife.”

 

Sehun laughs at Lu Han’s light humour. “So, I’m in charge of the vegetables, yeah?”

 

“Sure. I’ll take care of everything else.”

 

The pout on Sehun’s face is far too adorable that Lu Han can’t help but steal a kiss. “I’m supposed to be doing this. It’s supposed to be my way of saying sorry.”

 

“I know, but it’s also your first time cooking.” Lu Han smiles. “I don’t want anything to happen to you.”

 

“It’s not my first time cooking.”

 

“Cup noodles and rice don’t count, Sehun.”

 

Lamely admitting his defeat, Sehun turns back to the wide array of vegetables before him. Impulsively, he starts arranging them in order of size and colour.

 

“Should I start with the greens or the orange carrots?”

 

“Hmm?” Lu Han says, not paying attention as he rummages through the fridge.

 

“Should I start with the smallest greens like the peas or the longer, wider ones?”

 

After a while Lu Han realises what Sehun is talking about. “Why not start with potatoes?”

 

“They’re in the middle of the line, though.” Sehun mutters. “Wouldn’t it be better if I start either from the very end or the very beginning?”

 

Tearing his gaze from the expired milk carton he’s holding, Lu Han softly smiles at Sehun’s scrunched up face. He looks so serious, and Lu Han can’t help but find it a little endearing.

 

“Start from the potatoes. Come on, break the trend!”

 

This time Sehun’s lips curl up into a tight line – a habit he has developed when he finds things uncomfortable. “I think I’ll start from the carrots.” He says in the end, carefully lifting the two carrots from the end of the line.

 

“Okay, that’s fine.” Lu Han lies.

 

Sehun starts chopping the vegetables up meticulously, treating them with so much care Lu Han can hardly look. He’s always like that. Handling things so delicately with his nimble fingers, as if they’d crumble underneath his touch.

 

“You can cut a little faster, Sehun.”

 

Sehun’s face turns a soft shade of red, as if embarrassed by his inept cutting skills.

 

“You were doing fine, though!” Lu Han quickly adds. “Just a suggestion. Everything I say is a suggestion okay.”

 

“I understand, Lu.” Sehun reassures, but his fingers grip the knife tighter and he brings the blade down on the vegetable at lightning speed, in a reckless manner Lu Han has never seen from Sehun.

 

“Wait, slow down, Sehun.” His voice is drowned by the sound of running tap water. He turns it off, wiping his hand hurriedly on his apron. “Sehun!”

 

But Sehun shows no signs of stopping with the way he’s discarding every piece of vegetable that’s getting in the way of his tirade. A sinking feeling settles itself in Lu Han’s stomach – he feels sick the moment he realises he’s one step too far when the blade missed the carrot completely, instead slicing flesh.

 

“Fuck!” Lu Han’s not sure who says it first, but he hears the blade drop and a howl following, with Sehun dropping down to the floor and clutching his left hand in pain.

 

“Oh my god, Sehun, hold still – no wait,” Lu Han tries to stop Sehun from rolling around as gently as he can, shushing him even though he knows it does nothing to soothe the pain. “Stop moving, oh fuck why did you do that? I’m so sorry – wait let me get the bandages. Don’t move, okay?”

 

Only Sehun’s soft sobbing is heard, muffled by the rag he had chosen to bury his face in while Lu Han runs out, all the while steadying himself in the only way he knows works well – _five, six, seven, eight._ He pulls open a drawer, its contents clacking obnoxiously to the sides and he pulls out a roll of white cloth. _Nine, ten._

 

Just as his breathing has finally slowed down to normal, he hears another shriek, a clang and another string of curse words.

 

“Sehun?” A louder scream than last time answers him, and Lu Han fears the worst as he sprints back to the kitchen. _No,_ he thinks, _Sehun couldn’t have –_

But his worst fears are confirmed when he sees a fresh cut on Sehun’s right hand, stretching from where his pinky starts to just below his thumb.

 

A perfect mirror image of his left hand.

 

“Why?” Lu Han drops to his knees, unable to stop the sobs leaving his own lips as he pulls Sehun’s right arm towards him. “Why, Sehun?”

 

“I – it – you can’t leave…it as one…” His body convulses a little as the pain and sobs wrack through his body, from the tips of his fingers to the end of his toes. “Can’t just…have one – two. You…it won’t –“

 

“Okay, ssh. Listen. Look at me,” Lu Han lifts Sehun’s chin up, and sees tear-stained cheeks and wet, dark lashes. His eyes are screwed shut. “Look at me.”

 

Sehun slowly opens his eyes and ends up whimpering, although Lu Han’s not sure if it’s because of the lights or because Lu Han is starting to wipe the blood off his hands.

 

“Hi.”

 

If Lu Han had at least one of his hands free, he’d caress Sehun’s cheek – but the blood is flowing too fast, and Lu Han is forced to maintain the pressure on both of his palms. He sees the questioning look on Sehun’s face behind the grimace he’s got on.

 

“Hi,” he repeats himself a little breathlessly. “I’m Sehun, and I saw you dancing just then. No, wait. That really sounds creepy. Uh, can I try again?”

 

A dull sense of relief washes over Lu Han when a small smile of recognition settles itself on Sehun’s lips, quirking he corner of his mouth upwards and bringing the tiniest hints of glimmer on his eyes.

 

“Greetings, I go by the name Oh Sehun. Pleased to meet you, and it would be a great pleasure if – ” Lu Han fakes a pout and a disgruntled groan, but his eyes tell a whole different story with the way they’re looking at Sehun with so much affection Sehun thinks his heart might burst. “Hello, Oh Sehun is my name, but people call me Sehun. Um. Yo.”

 

At the imitation of his unforgettable failure, Sehun actually laughs, but winces in pain right away as Lu Han starts applying antiseptic to the large cuts. But Lu Han shushes him and immediately locks their gazes together again, until the sting is gone because Sehun doesn’t have any room left to feel anything else – Lu Han has filled every crevice of him with affection.

 

“How many times was it until you gave up? Fourteen?”

 

“Fifteen.” Sehun licks his lips, wishing Lu Han would kiss them soon. “Do you still remember the last one I said?”

 

“Everything.” Clearing his throat comically and scrunching up his eyebrows the way Sehun does, Lu Han says, “Oh, what the hell. Hi, I’m Sehun, you’re Lu Han and I know that because I asked my friend Jongin to find out for me. Because I like you, even better when you dance. Do you want to go out with me? I think you’re really sexy and hot –“

 

“Hey! I didn’t say that!”

 

“But you probably would if the lights didn’t suddenly go off and we had to run outside.”

 

“A good thing, too,” Sehun mutters. “Who knows how long you’d hold that against me if I did.”

 

By now even Lu Han has nearly forgotten he’s treating horrifyingly large scars on his lover’s hands as ruffles Sehun’s hair playfully.

 

“Lu Han.”

 

“Hmm?” The roll of white cloth is slowly being rotated around Sehun’s hand, covering each layer that’s starting to get stained with blood.

 

“Do you know why I tried fifteen times? And why I gave up in the end, and just kind of went _ah, to hell with it_?”

 

Lu Han frowns, not liking the question. He knows Sehun doesn’t ever talk about his disorder if he can help it. So he opts to play it safe, never knowing what comes out Sehun’s mouth every time. “No. Why did you?”

 

“Because I thought if you haven’t run away after the first fifteen times, maybe you won’t run away for the next thousand, either.”

 

Lu Han only realises he’s crying again when he sees dark patches forming on Sehun’s bandages. Automatically, he wipes at them, not wanting to look weak and useless in front of Sehun. But then Sehun sits up, opens up his arms and Lu Han can’t do anything but crawl into them, keeping his sobs at bay as he inhales the clinically clean smell of Sehun’s pyjamas.

 

“I love you.” Sehun says without prompting, kissing the top of Lu Han’s head repeatedly and carefully placing his bandaged hands on Lu Han’s sides. “I love you. So, so much.”

 

“I love you so much more, you have no idea.”

 

“I doubt that. I love you quite a lot.”

 

“Do you need me to prove it?”

 

They both forget about the blood they still have to clean up, about the dinner they’re supposed to be making and about the worries they’re supposed to be worrying when Sehun leans down and kisses Lu Han hard. “You can try. Convince me.”

 

-

 

On Lu Han’s rare days off, they’d usually stay cooped up at home, sleeping in until Sehun says he’s had it with the _unproductive nonsensical banter_ they’re having in bed, which Lu Han would laugh off, opting instead to wrap his arms around Sehun’s waist to bring him toppling back into the bed. He acts nonchalant about it, but sometimes it stings a little – like Sehun thinks time with him is time wasted, because Lu Han has no slots in Sehun’s organised, precise timeframe of a life.

 

So it takes him by surprise when on the morning of Lu Han’s day off that Sehun drags him back to bed as soon as he tries to roll out of it. Warily glancing behind him, Lu Han places a soft hand on Sehun’s forehead, careful not to mess up his hair.

 

“Sehun? Are you feeling okay? How’s your hand?”

 

Sehun hums underneath his touch. “My hand will get better faster the longer you stay here, hyung.”

 

Lu Han laughs at this, at Sehun’s sleep-infused childish whining. “I have to cook us breakfast before we clock in at 9 for our usual TV time, Hunnie. The sausages don’t thaw out that quickly, you know. Anyway, I need to check if I locked the door last night.”

 

“Skip breakfast, skip TV time. And you know I always lock the door fifteen times.” Sehun snuggles more into Lu Han’s shoulder and sniffs. “Just go back to sleep.”

 

Lu Han blinks once, then twice. “What?”

 

“Blink once more, make it three times.” Cracking an eye open, Sehun has the nerve to joke with that bed hair and lazy smile. God damn it, this boy is going to be the death of Lu Han.

 

Instead of complying Lu Han rolls his eyes, and then switches back to his concerned expression. It’s a little disconcerting to know that _Sehun_ is asking him to snub their usual schedule, much less substitute what they should be doing with something as ‘unproductive’ as _cuddling_.

 

“No really,” Lu Han asks again, still in disbelief. “Does your head hurt? I still have those pills the doctors prescribed you two months ago. Or is it your back? I know sometimes you –“

 

“Oh my _god,_ hyung I swear I’m _fine_.” Sehun groans, tightening his grip on Lu Han – at least, as tight as it would go with both his hands bandaged anyway.

 

“Then why…?”

 

At Lu Han’s hesitant tone, Sehun starts to draw back, chewing on his lower lip and uncertainty in his eyes.

 

“I don’t know, I just. I just thought we haven’t spent much time with each other lately.” A bandaged hand comes up to rub at the nape of Sehun’s neck. “You’ve been really busy with work, Jongin’s been keeping me back at work on days when you could come home early. Most of the time I’d find you already asleep. We haven’t had time to just…relax. Together. You know?”

 

That much is true, and Lu Han’s not proud to admit that. He had promised Sehun, right at the beginning of the year, to spend more time at home no matter how much work he’d be drowning in. To be able to be there for at least a hug and a quick kiss when Sehun comes home.

 

“I don’t blame you,” Sehun continues as if he had just read Lu Han’s mind. “I was hoping we could make up for it, though. But it’s – it’s fine, if you want to work and cook breakfast, I mean –“

 

But Sehun doesn’t get to finish his sentence as his back meets the bed. Still bouncing a little on the mattress, he lets out an annoyed humph.

 

“Hey, what was that for –“

 

He gets cut off again when Lu Han presses his lips hard against Sehun’s – unmethodical, purely out of instinct and love and Sehun can feel every bit of love as Lu Han moves his jaw in an unrestrained manner. His hands roam Sehun’s body as if this is the first time they’re exploring each other. It might as well have been, in the way Sehun is kissing back with so much fervor, his tongue already trying to lick into Lu Han’s mouth.

 

“Careful, Sehun. You’d have – you’d have to – wash again.” Lu Han gasps out as Sehun trails his hands underneath his shirt.

 

“I don’t care.” Sehun nips Lu Han’s jawline and Lu Han freezes, the fingers that are playing with Sehun’s hair stilling. The lack of movement makes Sehun peer up at him, confused. “Lu? Is everything okay?”

 

“Oh my god,” Lu Han leans down, his voice dropping to a whisper beside Sehun’s ear. “Say that again.”

 

“Everything… okay?”

 

“No, before that.”

 

Sehun twists the hem of Lu Han’s pyjama shirt. “I don’t care?”

 

“Yes.” The words play out in Lu Han’s ears like the best melody of a song would, sending every nerve in his body on overdrive until he has to bury his face in Sehun’s chest to stifle his laughter. “Yes, yes.”

 

Taken aback by the sudden change in character, Sehun sits up to lean against the pillows. But before he could say anything Lu Han has taken claim of his lips and Sehun can feel the curve of a smile playing between their kiss.

 

“That’s the best thing I’ve heard in a very, very long time.”

 

-

 

Lu Han hadn’t been expecting much when Sehun decided to take him to their favourite restaurant – the modest, homey set-up right on the corner of their street. But then Sehun had played with his food in the most unusual way all through dinner, before discarding his fork and knife haphazardly and standing up.

 

And now, Lu Han’s blinking up a little dazedly at a very nervous-looking Sehun.

 

“Um. Sehun? Are you going to finish your steak?”

 

“I’m going to get this perfect in one go. The first one will be correct. It will be perfect.”

 

Lu Han’s about to ask Sehun what the hell he’s talking about when Sehun kneels. Upon seeing Sehun getting down on one knee, Lu Han audibly gasps, eyes widening and laughter spilling out of his mouth.

 

“Lu Han, I love you more than you will ever know. Thank you for not leaving me, even… if…”

 

Sehun stutters – but Lu Han gives him a resolute nod, encouraging him to go on. Sehun takes a deep breath.

 

“Even if… I can be a little hard to put up with. Sometimes it’s out of my control; sometimes I don’t even try to control it at all. More often than not, I act a little selfishly, but you’ve always been there. Smiling, holding me close. Knowing when I want a kiss or not, remembering to fold the covers over us evenly and smoothing out the creases when you tuck them under my chin.”

 

Sehun reaches behind him carefully. “I love you, because you’re still here, and you still love me even after everything we’ve been through – or maybe because of everything we’ve been through. So Lu Han, will you marry me?”

 

Lu Han feels a surge of unidentifiable emotions well up in his chest; a weird mix of relief, incredulity, surprise and elation – but most of all affection for the very man before him. His boyfriend of five years with whom he has overcome doubts about their relationship and future; with whom he has traversed turbulent waters and emerged stronger and more in love than ever; with whom he had shared the best memories of his life.

 

He lowers down on his knees until he’s at eye-level with Sehun, not caring that the both of them are practically crouching on the floor of a restaurant. Slowly, Lu Han tentatively brings his hands up to cup Sehun’s face, the flat of his palms warm on Sehun’s slightly cold cheeks. He lets out the breath he has been holding when Sehun nuzzles further into his touch.

 

“That was beautiful. You’re beautiful – and you don’t need to worry about me leaving.” Lu Han kisses his eyelids, nose, and finally lips. “I’ll be right here as long as you want me.”

 

“Then you’re going to have to stay for a long, long time – I’m planning on keeping you forever.”

 

“I can’t wait.”

 

Sehun laughs, throwing an arm around Lu Han’s waist and kissing him properly. His suit gets a little crumpled, but he doesn’t even spare it a glance. Lu Han notices – and if this is a fluke in Sehun’s system, Lu Han hopes it doesn’t get repaired anytime soon.

 

Sehun pulls away to look into Lu Han’s eyes that are still a little tear-stained but so full of promises. And it’s in that moment that Sehun grins out of the blue.

 

“It’s here again.” He murmurs. “Oh god, it’s here again.”

 

“What is?”

 

“Just like when I first met you.”

 

He leans in close, resting his forehead against Lu Han’s. Sehun’s eyes flutter to a close, a look of perfect serenity on his face.

 

“Everything’s gone quiet.”

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> Inspired by [this](http://31.media.tumblr.com/ecbb9b2629e3d637307f62f142cc9fc3/tumblr_mxz5qlR3UV1r2bmczo1_400.jpg) and [this](http://poetry.rapgenius.com/Neil-hilborn-ocd-annotated). Ah, I could've done so much for this AU but ;m; i had to get it out of my WIPs ;m;


End file.
